There is a very specific kind of identity crisis that comes from job hunting while trying to trust the universe.
And no, not in the whimsical Eat, Pray, Love kind of way. More like Panic, Cry, Refresh LinkedIn. I thought I had it figured out. Like maybe I could finally feel grounded and know what I was doing with my life. Cute, right? Life, of course, had other plans. Because the road to anywhere apparently includes potholes, construction cones, and detour signs that make you want to scream into a pillow.
Oh what a joy.
(Sarcasm. Please read that again with the correct tone. I’ll wait.)
If you’ve ever lost a job, questioned your purpose, or tried to stay positive while your life was clearly not going according to plan, this is for you.
Unemployment: Where the “Free Time” Feels Like a Trap
At this point in my life, I had been job searching for months since being laid off. A couple of interviews, a whole lot of ghosting, and more rejection emails than I care to admit. (Shout out to the companies that never bothered to circle back or sent auto-rejection emails six months later. May your inbox always be cluttered.)
This level of job-search burnout is exhausting. If you’re currently unemployed, underemployed, or in that delightful purgatory known as “pivoting,” then hey, grab an oar. We’re in the same rowboat. It’s missing a paddle and taking on water, but damn it, we’re still out here floating.
You’d think having full control of your schedule would feel empowering. For some people, maybe it is. But for me, a type A, control-leaning, over-analyzer, it felt like a ticking anxiety bomb. There was so little in my control that it made me question everything. I was a single-income household with no real safety net. My partner lived in another state and was in his own personal tornado of chaos. Helpful, right?
The Spiritual Breakdown Nobody Asked For
Here’s where things take a turn.
For years, I’ve been a spiritual person. I believe in energy, manifestation, past lives, divine timing, karma, and the idea that everything has a balance. A yin to every yang, a masculine to every feminine, a Mercury retrograde to every technology failure.
And when life gets hard, that’s when it becomes difficult to hold onto those beliefs. Because while I know the universe isn’t out to get me, it definitely feels like it enjoys the drama. I know I’m supposed to be manifesting positive energy and all that, but most days the only thing I’m manifesting is a stress rash and insomnia.
So What’s the Point of This Cosmic Rant?
At the time, I didn’t know what I was doing. And I hated that feeling. But I had felt it before and I knew it was temporary.
Yes, I felt lost. Yes, I felt anxious. Yes, I spiraled into “what am I even doing with my life?” meltdowns. But unlike the younger version of me who would have curled up in bed with ice cream and existential dread, I could recognize this as a spiritual detour. One I didn’t want, didn’t plan for, and definitely didn’t put on my manifestation vision board, but one I apparently needed.
I needed to let the discomfort sit next to me for a bit. Not forever. Just long enough to acknowledge it, learn from it, and refocus my energy. Because the energy you put out does come back, even if it takes its sweet cosmic time.
What this chapter in my life taught me:
- You can feel lost and still be moving forward
- Your worth is not tied to your productivity
- Uncertainty is uncomfortable, not permanent
- Small steps still count
And Yes, Karma Is Real (Even If It’s On Its Lunch Break)
You know those people who just seem to win at life even though they’re objectively terrible human beings? They get what they want because they believe they’re entitled to it. Narcissists are really just emotionally bankrupt vision board pros. But the energy they put into the world does not disappear. It just waits for timing to become inconvenient.
The longer I sat with it, the more I realized karma was not working in the way I had been taught to expect.
It is not always about watching other people get what they deserve on your timeline. Most of the time, it is about becoming the kind of person who no longer wants what they are chasing.
While I was sitting there comparing timelines and wondering why the wrong people seemed to be winning, something else was happening behind the scenes. I was being pushed to build resilience, stronger boundaries, and a level of self-trust that did not depend on external validation. I was learning how to keep going when nothing around me was giving me proof that it was working.
Fast wins and loud success look satisfying from the outside, but the kind of growth that happens when you are uncertain, uncomfortable, and quietly rebuilding your life creates a different kind of confidence. It teaches you how to make decisions from alignment instead of desperation. It raises your standards in ways that make certain environments, relationships, and opportunities no longer fit.
So yes, their bill comes due eventually.
But so do your returns.
Not always in the form you originally imagined. More in the way your standards change, your instincts get faster, and certain things stop being worth the cost of keeping them.
That is the part no one really talks about.
It is less about revenge and more about direction.
And direction will take you further than entitlement ever could.
If This Is Where You Are Right Now
If you’re in the middle of your own career spiral or life transition, here are a few things that helped me move through it:
1. Shrink the timeline
You don’t need a five-year plan. You need the next right step.
2. Separate your worth from your work
Losing a job is a logistical event, not a personality trait.
3. Create one daily anchor
A walk, a workout, applying to one role, writing for 20 minutes. Something that reminds you you’re still in motion.
4. Let it be temporary without rushing it
You don’t have to enjoy this moment of your life for it to be meaningful.
5. Talk to yourself like you would someone you love
Because you would never call them a failure for being in a transition.
What I Know Now That I Didn’t Then
That time of my life was hard. It was scary. But I knew something the earlier version of me didn’t. The feeling wasn’t permanent.
If you’re in a moment where you feel lost, or like the universe is playing bumper cars with your life plan, you’re not crazy. You’re not broken. You’re human. A spiritual being having a very inconvenient human experience.
Take a breath. Take a break. Then, when you’re ready, take the next small step. Even if you have no idea where it’s going.
Because somewhere in the chaos, clarity is already forming.
Eventually. Probably. Hopefully.
(I’m still manifesting that last one.)